Its done, the decision that is. No matter who made it or why......your marriage is OVER and this day will remain with you forever. Among the many emotions that will start to encase you, fear and failure will most likely be the top two. You will ask yourself (many times)... What happened? How did I get here? What do I do now?
But to survive this... you must not focus on the past and what WAS...but on the future and what IS. Take what you need from the ashes and rebuild.
I grew up in loving home in Southern California, with one younger brother. I graduated from High School in 1986 and then immediately enrolled at the local City College to work on my business degree. I lived at home, worked and went to school. I was a typical college student. Life was good. In 1991, my younger brother joined the Marine Corps and went off to boot camp. My parents sold their home and moved. Since my entire family was leaving the neighborhood, I decided to move too.
Soon my life began to change......I met new friends and slowly college was not so important as it once was. I found myself dreaming of a life similar to my mother's; a good husband who would love and respect me, children, a home and yes, even the dog. You know the Cinderella Story... I mention this because upon reflection, leaving school may not have been the wisest decision. Your parents always tell you that school is important, but it wasn't until years later that I realized that I was limited by not having a degree.
In 1992 while out dancing with my friends, I met the man who would later become my husband. We were married in October 1993 surrounded by 200 of our closest friends and family. My husband worked full time for a local police department and I had held an administrative position at a large Corporation. My "Cinderella Story" was starting to unfold. But...later this story would take a nasty turn......
Shortly after our wedding, we found out that I was pregnant. This came as a shock to me.. I had not planned on having kids so early in my marriage, but I was thrilled! However, the news did not sit so well with my husband. He became angry and very verbally abusive. This would be the first "sign" of cruelty in my husband; a cruelty that I would become intimate with.
In July of 1994, I gave birth to our son and soon left my administrative job to settle into motherhood. Things seemed to once again be on track with my life...However, there became a great distance between my husband and I. He became mean and cynical, drank alot and came home late. And after awhile, he no longer cared to hide his infidelity. There seem to be no trace of that charming man I had met only a couple of years earlier.
We bought our first home and things began to get tight financially. This made my husband angrier and he insisted that I look for work. This presented a problem. I had quit school when I met my husband and had not completed my college degree. Therefore the only thing open to an uneducated woman, were jobs paying just over minimum wage. This would barely pay for the day care needed for me to go to work and my husband didn't seem the least bit interested in caring for our son when I was working....
Eventually, I landed a decent paying job and for the moment my husband seemed pleased......but he never stayed pleased for long.....the cruelty (both verbal and physical) became a daily occurrence for me and sometimes even my son. Never knowing what kind of "mood" my husband would be in led me to a life of solidarity, fear, guilt, anger and shame. This tortuous way of life continued until one fateful morning in October 1997......only four short years after "I Do". This day would turn out to be my "D" day....the day I would leave my husband for the LAST time, taking with me our 3 year old son...all my hopes and dreams shattered, along with my ribs.
After a nasty divorce, a second custody battle that cost me over $10,000 and 13 years of my life.......I am rebuilt. In February of 2003, I obtained an Associate's Degree in Paralegal studies and never looked back. My son is 16 now and a wonderful young man I am very proud of. I am respected. I am loved. It's been a long road, but I am good.
You will face many hurdles and stages during a divorce, though not everyone will experience the exact same ones. It is my hope (and the reason I decided to share my story) that my posts and the sharing of my experiences can help you with yours. Look for future posts on this blog about hurdles that I have encountered and the solutions I came up with while rebuilding my life. Hopefully you will find some answers here and begin begin the process of turning your ashes to butterflies.
But to survive this... you must not focus on the past and what WAS...but on the future and what IS. Take what you need from the ashes and rebuild.
MY STORY
I grew up in loving home in Southern California, with one younger brother. I graduated from High School in 1986 and then immediately enrolled at the local City College to work on my business degree. I lived at home, worked and went to school. I was a typical college student. Life was good. In 1991, my younger brother joined the Marine Corps and went off to boot camp. My parents sold their home and moved. Since my entire family was leaving the neighborhood, I decided to move too.
Soon my life began to change......I met new friends and slowly college was not so important as it once was. I found myself dreaming of a life similar to my mother's; a good husband who would love and respect me, children, a home and yes, even the dog. You know the Cinderella Story... I mention this because upon reflection, leaving school may not have been the wisest decision. Your parents always tell you that school is important, but it wasn't until years later that I realized that I was limited by not having a degree.
In 1992 while out dancing with my friends, I met the man who would later become my husband. We were married in October 1993 surrounded by 200 of our closest friends and family. My husband worked full time for a local police department and I had held an administrative position at a large Corporation. My "Cinderella Story" was starting to unfold. But...later this story would take a nasty turn......
Shortly after our wedding, we found out that I was pregnant. This came as a shock to me.. I had not planned on having kids so early in my marriage, but I was thrilled! However, the news did not sit so well with my husband. He became angry and very verbally abusive. This would be the first "sign" of cruelty in my husband; a cruelty that I would become intimate with.
In July of 1994, I gave birth to our son and soon left my administrative job to settle into motherhood. Things seemed to once again be on track with my life...However, there became a great distance between my husband and I. He became mean and cynical, drank alot and came home late. And after awhile, he no longer cared to hide his infidelity. There seem to be no trace of that charming man I had met only a couple of years earlier.
We bought our first home and things began to get tight financially. This made my husband angrier and he insisted that I look for work. This presented a problem. I had quit school when I met my husband and had not completed my college degree. Therefore the only thing open to an uneducated woman, were jobs paying just over minimum wage. This would barely pay for the day care needed for me to go to work and my husband didn't seem the least bit interested in caring for our son when I was working....
Eventually, I landed a decent paying job and for the moment my husband seemed pleased......but he never stayed pleased for long.....the cruelty (both verbal and physical) became a daily occurrence for me and sometimes even my son. Never knowing what kind of "mood" my husband would be in led me to a life of solidarity, fear, guilt, anger and shame. This tortuous way of life continued until one fateful morning in October 1997......only four short years after "I Do". This day would turn out to be my "D" day....the day I would leave my husband for the LAST time, taking with me our 3 year old son...all my hopes and dreams shattered, along with my ribs.
THE MUSHROOM CLOUD WILL CLEAR...
After a nasty divorce, a second custody battle that cost me over $10,000 and 13 years of my life.......I am rebuilt. In February of 2003, I obtained an Associate's Degree in Paralegal studies and never looked back. My son is 16 now and a wonderful young man I am very proud of. I am respected. I am loved. It's been a long road, but I am good.
You will face many hurdles and stages during a divorce, though not everyone will experience the exact same ones. It is my hope (and the reason I decided to share my story) that my posts and the sharing of my experiences can help you with yours. Look for future posts on this blog about hurdles that I have encountered and the solutions I came up with while rebuilding my life. Hopefully you will find some answers here and begin begin the process of turning your ashes to butterflies.
